Bastardisation of the East: Simon says: Talk out of your arse

Monday, June 12, 2006

Simon says: Talk out of your arse

Apparently, if there is one key difference between the feeble-minded pair Heffer and Phillips it is their views on how desirable it would be to travel back to Medieval times. As we have seen on countless ocassions, Phillips repeatedly cries in a hysterical tone that she can't bear to see them again, believing, as she does, that a gigantic underground Islamic army is about to rise up at any second and drag us back there, destroying Western values and enslaving us all. Meanwhile, Heffer's comments in The Telegraph this week apparently give an indication of just how far back he wants Britain to be dragged before we can recover "the good old days" that wild eyed conservative types are prone to babbling on about when confronted with hoodies and skateboards. Not to bore us too much, he has generously given his reasoning for dragging the country down the drain a topical slant, setting it against the killing of Islamist mass murderer Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi.

In his wise judgement, the death of Al-Zarqawi was carried out in "wonderfully medieval fashion" [one has images of coalition forces entering his hideout on horseback, dodging vats of boiling [olive] oil, breaking in with the aid of a battering ram and then skewering him with their crossbows. Or maybe Simon, like the Taliban, enjoys the prospect of enforcing the Dark Ages with modern technology].

Actually, before the flogging commences, an interlude. Al Zarqawi, whose death was about as tragic as a fart escaping from a fat man's ass, is joining a long list of people like Uday and Qusay, whose deaths are not just appreciated in the sense that the world is a minute amount safer [how much influence did Al Zarqawi have at this point?], but are celebrated and rejoiced over by men who are borderline extremists themselves. When Bush tells the world that a man responsible for the death of "thousands of innocent Iraqis" is dead, one of many responses is "yes, from the neck upwards, but he is still allowed to direct the most powerful military force in the history of the world in his own crazed fashion". Al Zarqawi's elimination will be a tactical blow to terrorists with their black hearts set on murder, but scum like Bush and Blair are in no position to lead the parade of joy which, for the Iraqi people and the soldiers forced out onto the front line is merely a brief respite.

Simon wants to join in the chorus too, but he wants to add his own defiant and rather irrelevant view, best summarised as: "capital punishment - I told you so". Here he blusters:

"...there is one important difference between Mr Blair and me. I have always believed in the death penalty for vicious murderers, though preferably after a fair trial: Mr Blair, so far as I am aware, has not. Why is he so happy to make an exception in the case of al-Zarqawi?"

Perhaps the fact that his death was a tactical gain in a warzone where trials genearlly don't apply when instant justice is more convenient. One question could be, what does Simon want to see for those who carried out the Haditha massacre? I think those medieval double standards would make a fool out of him. Blair was happy that an airstike did away with Al-Zarqawi, but one gets the feeling that this would not be enough for Simon, who would have subjected the neutralised captive to all kinds of sadism just to air some of his most outlandish torture fetishes. In his own words:

"Once, we put traitors' heads on stakes on top of Westminster Hall: now they are photographed and set in gilt frames. "

I hope he doesn't get too upset by all the litter on London's streets. Not sure what "traitors" have to do with anything, but then we saw last week that Simon seems to see North Korea as a good model for modern Britain. Has Simon stopped to think that decapitating people and toying with their severed heads is rather reminiscent of the man he is labelling a "psychopath"? Simon's desire to see the death penalty restored tells you all you need to know about his medieval impulses and his petty desire for revenge and payback. The death penalty has never discouraged crime, no matter how petty. People are still killed by states in South East Asia for drug trafficking, while murder rates in the US remain what Al-Zarqawi might have called "healthy".

He also extends the comparison to the Stockwell shooting of Jean Charles de Menezes, a disgusting incident where the problem ran far deeper than shooting first and asking questions later, but one where any idiot could see the principle at work: if a man had a bomb and was about to detonate it, taking him out would be the only option. This does not compare with slaughtering unarmed captives for the apparent good of the state.

Oh, and should anybody doubt Simon's very medieval siege menatality, don't miss his cutting edge [it is the 1940s isn't it?] piece entitled "Don't let's be (too) beastly to the Germans". Heffer, who is paid to write this stuff, moans that Jeremy Clarkson - who, in a paroxysm of wit, executed a Nazi salute safe within the confines of England, where it is legal [and indeed obligatory if you are in the BNP] - managed to some offence. A nostalgic Simon says:

"...for men of his and my generation it is a way of humorously expressing tribal feelings about a people who were, in living memory, behaving rather badly."

Simon likes to kid himself, and the rest of his thuggish tribe, that the whole of Germany was in on the act in WWII because then he can carry his bigotry into the twenty first century without stopping to consider that there are barely a handful of surviving Nazi collaborators alive in Germany today. One could throw the excesses of the brutal British Empire and the bombing of Dresden back at him to show that English people can also misbehave. Unfortunately, he approved of these things and it would be as much use as telling Bernard Manning that from time to time his pea-brained jokes offend people. Presumably the people incinerated in Dresden had had their trial before Allied capital punishment was meted out.

To be jaunty, he finishes with this:

"Apparently, a vehicle is also driving around Hamburg playing the Dam Busters March through loudspeakers. I do hope Fritz will be a sport, and hum along."

How can any sane person possibly comment? Except to say that you are about as likely to find a Fritz in Germany these days as you are a Viscount Rufus-Tarquin Huffington-Fothersbury XII in England. If Simon wants to bring British wartime history to life he could do worse than start by asking the mentally-restricted men driving around Hamburg exactly how much they know about WWII. Simon doesn't care about history - certainly not the accurate warts-and-all accounts that we learn most from - he just wants to drag us back there. Whether it is the 1940s or the Dark Ages, Simon is on the quest for enemies to conquer and traitors to hang. His stupidity and xenophobia have achieved only one thing: to draw a rant out of me. Note to our imaginary readers - comments responding to the title of my piece that state: "do you always do what Simon tells you to do?" will not be well received...

abu musab al-zarqawi

¶ posted by the leech at 6/12/2006

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