Dear British MPs The end of 2009 marked a special ocassion. Not only was it the end of a dramatic and somewhat important year. We saw the end of Obama's first year in Office. We mourned the death of the King of Pop, leaving us with even less to watch on MTV that we can pass off as 'talent'. And we enjoyed the temporary delights like getting an extra 22p worth of credit with every £10 of credit top-up on your pre-pay phone because of the 2.5% reduction in VAT. Or Rage Against the Machine pwning the X Factor annual turd.

But more importantly, the 31st of December 2009 marked the end of a decade, some might say the end of an era. And so I find myself in the company of others marking this joyous occasion (because one can always remain moderately optimistic for the future when on alcohol no matter how bleak the future and past may be), watching the London Eye's exploding fireworks in its glory over the Thames accompanying Londoners in their transition into the new era.

You see, aside from the alcohol, it helps to forget and perhaps forgive a little, the wrong doings of assholes like Wall Street who have indenfinitely ruined lives everywhere, Israel bombing the shit out of schools in Lebanon and Palestine, the utter FAIL that came out of Copenhagen's recent climate change summit, British police kettling G8 protesters and persecuting citizens armed with cameras, bankers and CEOs earning way too much for the mistakes they made. And of course the complete embarassment of British nation when you and your fellow colleagues were exposed for the expense claims scandal. No, it wasn't because you liked to watch a bit of porn now and then when the wife was at work. Nor was it the fact that you charged the taxpayers for phantom mortgages. It was embarassing because now the whole wide world knows that there are people in England who still think that building a moat around your luxury house is the dog's bollocks.

But I forgive all this. Because every so often it's good to restore your faith in humanity and there is no better time than when we enter a new era and look to the future rather than behind us. Maybe it was inspired by Obama's conviction in 'change' that spills into every other corner of the sociopolitical world. Sure, I don't expect it overnight.

But then, a select few of you found yourselves unable to resist the urge to have your cake and eat it too. To think you are now safer and further away from the public eye but to resist paying for your sins:

"Three labour MPs are arguing they cannot be prosecuted over expenses claims because they are protected by parliamentary privilege.

The trio – Elliot Morley, David Chaytor and Jim Devine – are being represented by a legal firm that has acted as solicitor to the Labour Party since 1990.

Their lawyers are understood to maintain that the Bill of Rights of 1689 makes them immune to prosecution. Police have forwarded files relating to the expenses claims of six MPs and peers to the Crown Prosecution Service.

Mr Morley and Mr Chaytor both claimed thousands of pounds for "phantom" mortgages they had paid off. Mr Devine submitted invoices for electrical work worth £2,157 from a company with an allegedly false address and an invalid VAT number. Steel & Shamash, a London legal company, confirmed it had instructed two QCs to consider whether the MPs should be protected by parliamentary privilege."

- The Independent

Therefore, as a long-standing resident of this country, a taxpayer of considerable contribution and a law-abiding citizen of the middle class, I kindly request that you and and any of the approximately 400 MPs in breach of expense claim rules who may wish to follow in your footsteps and avoid giving us our money back for your moat, Scandinavian porn, pool boys, bell tower maintenence etc, to assemble at the cliffs of Dover at mid-day tomorrow. And then jump the fuck off. And hopefully the currents will flush your bodies onto the shores of France, because quite frankly this land as no room for your kind around here anymore. And neither does 2010.

Yours sincerely,
Clyde
Contributor @ Bastardisation of the East  ¶ posted by Jon at 1/04/2010