Tuesday, January 05, 2010
Postscript to Christmas 2
I must say, The Daily Mail Christmas TV guide was as trusty as always this year, despite there being hardly anything decent on TV for it to guide me to. In a new year I should start on a positive note and proclaim that by a distance as far as the eye can see the TV guide the best thing about The Daily Mail.
One thing puzzled me, though. For a newspaper that wails on an on about the true meaning of Christmas, incessantly pretends its being banned or reined in by the PC brigade, actively seeks out heretics that deviate from religious worship and blows its top over attempts to make it a secular and enjoyable affair, some of the wording inside was a little, shall we say, sensible:
Why, Happy Holidays to you too, Daily Mail!!! And since today is the twelfth day of Christmas, and since my parents won't stop buying your shit newspaper, you should at least reward them with a gift. For my part, I want twelve columnists-a-walking. I'm thinking Melanie Phillips, Jan Moir, Richard and Georgina Littlejohn, William Rees-Mogg, Peter Hitchens, Amanda Platell, Quentin Letts, Piers Morgan, Max Hastings and that cowardly, anonymous scribe known only by the name 'Daily Mail Reporter', who normally reports on non-stories that are so embarassingly shite that their collected cringe factor could be harnessed to cure rigor mortis and maybe death itself. Stories such as this one, where the quotes are all pilfered from that week's TV guide. Daily Mail Editor and Director Paul Dacre should promote the TV guide staff to the actual paper and then make up the numbers of columnists-a-walking by sacking himself too.
One thing puzzled me, though. For a newspaper that wails on an on about the true meaning of Christmas, incessantly pretends its being banned or reined in by the PC brigade, actively seeks out heretics that deviate from religious worship and blows its top over attempts to make it a secular and enjoyable affair, some of the wording inside was a little, shall we say, sensible:
Why, Happy Holidays to you too, Daily Mail!!! And since today is the twelfth day of Christmas, and since my parents won't stop buying your shit newspaper, you should at least reward them with a gift. For my part, I want twelve columnists-a-walking. I'm thinking Melanie Phillips, Jan Moir, Richard and Georgina Littlejohn, William Rees-Mogg, Peter Hitchens, Amanda Platell, Quentin Letts, Piers Morgan, Max Hastings and that cowardly, anonymous scribe known only by the name 'Daily Mail Reporter', who normally reports on non-stories that are so embarassingly shite that their collected cringe factor could be harnessed to cure rigor mortis and maybe death itself. Stories such as this one, where the quotes are all pilfered from that week's TV guide. Daily Mail Editor and Director Paul Dacre should promote the TV guide staff to the actual paper and then make up the numbers of columnists-a-walking by sacking himself too..jpg)
